new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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