So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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