I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
