just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
