i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
