I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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