THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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