Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize