dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
