He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
