I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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