rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my being single is dangerous.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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