You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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