Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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