I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
