did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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