I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
