what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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