the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
