we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
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is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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