I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
