If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize