if i can run in heels then i can drive
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
