Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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