i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
