so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
