Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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