Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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