my mouth tastes like poor choices
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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