i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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