Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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