i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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