i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
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Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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