Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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