Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
