u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
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I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
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I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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