____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
