I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
