At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dignity is for republicans.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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