Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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