Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
