haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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