I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize