me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
