I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
the raccoons are back...
Randomize