Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
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I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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