I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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