I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she looked like the before picture.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i will never coherently bang her
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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