It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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