her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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