I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
