I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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