i don't like sucking hair
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
