this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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