Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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