Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize