Screwed.edu
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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