where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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