I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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