Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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