i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
