morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
