he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
