i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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